See what I did there. It’s practically the acronym FFFFF.
I know there has been quite a few of these recently, but it is Ranty Friday and therefore a perfect day to spout about MY rules for Facebook. I think you’ll agree, they are pretty universal.
I consider myself to know a few unwritten rules of Social Media. I like to abide by them because it’s the right thing to do and also it helps keep an equilibrium. I make mistakes so I accept others do too. However most of these Facebook mistakes below are often done over a period of time and there really is no excuses. Get your act together.
1. Don’t put up a photo about your child with the words “Isn’t she beautiful?” or something similar. For starters, nobody likes to be preempted. Secondly nobody likes someone boasting about their own child. Thirdly I can’t believe people genuinely think their child is beautiful to everyone else. I have never made that assumption about my own children. I think they are beautiful, but that has to be my mother bias. After all, they are replicas of me. 😉 Let me be the judge and chances are I will say something genuinely nice or else I may lie. You’ll never know which, but don’t tell me what to say.
2. There is a “first baby clause” in my Facebook Rules. I will allow you about 6-12 months of constant, boring, pointless and frankly often disgusting updates about your first child. After that I WILL stop commenting and will probably hide your updates. I do like seeing babies, I like watching them grow, but seriously, we’ve all been there (and for those that haven’t, they really don’t care) and therefore typing “Bailey just ate pureed pea” is about as interesting as watching paint dry. Please stop. I once had someone accidentally complain about one of my statuses (she wrote it on a mutual friends wall) being about Open University assignments. Fair enough complaint, except less than a month later she posted a poo in the potty picture. WHAT? I know what I’d rather see.
3. Don’t have a Facebook Account if your prime reason for opening it is to be a voyeur. Seriously! I give you a peek into my house/dilemmas/achievements/fears/opinions and then you do the same. It’s only fair. You do that shit, and I’m putting you on my custom list. No status updates for you.
4. Don’t open a Facebook account, do all of the above and then 6 months later post your just giving page. It’s rude! I will not donate to you on principle. The idea that you only use Facebook for your own gain is wrong. It is not a one way street. This also includes anyone who posts about an event they are organising etc.. We all know what you are doing and we don’t like it. That’s why you only got 1 like.
5. Don’t post 5 status a day all about what you are up to, how fab your life is, what a gorgeous husband you have etc.. and then NEVER comment on anyone elses status. That is also quite rude. It’s called Social Media. Be bloody Social! If you keep doing that, I will put you on my custom list. Oh and by the way, I’ve stop commented. You may have noticed everyone else has too. We can only take so much.
6. I am not just an agony aunt. I’m happy to help with all of your problems, but bloody acknowledge my response. It’s like asking people to come over and paint your house and then going off to a spa for the day and hoping they’ll be gone when you get back. It’s nice to reply to each comment, but at the very least, at the end of the day, write “Thank you everyone, that’s really helpful” or something. AGAIN, I’m over giving advice if you aren’t going to thank me occasionally for it.
8. The same goes for liking a stupid picture linked to a vague story that when you check with snopes.com is a complete and utter lie. If you are going to share something, check on a legitimate myths, rumours and urban legend busting site first. It takes about 2 minutes and stops me from wanting to punch you in the face.
9. Don’t copy your tweets onto your Facebook account. I will hide all your updates you numpty.
AND THE ULTIMATE FAUX PAS
10. When a Facebook page says “comment jump and see what happens to this picture” or something of a similar ilk, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE use your bloody brain. I don’t have a computer background but even I know that this makes absolutely no sense. If in doubt, don’t share, don’t comment and don’t like. You look like a bloody idiot.
Any others I’ve missed?