Asking for advice

I love to chat to people.

Chat to other mum’s, colleagues at work, friends and family.

I love to chat because through conversation we build our world.  Stick with me….this will make sense.  Through every conversation I have with people I build my vision of who they are, I build my knowledge and views about a subject and in a lot of cases I then pass that view or understanding on to the next people I speak to.  So slowly through discourse (talking) we influence and are influenced.  It’s a really interesting area of Psychology too.  A part of my degree I really enjoyed.

So when I get chatting to someone at work who mentions that they are having problems with their 2-year-old waking in the night, I have to assume that they are sharing and wanting to converse with me in order to see whether I can sympathise, empathise or offer advice.   So why that then gets thrown back at me as being smug or interfering is beyond me.

It wasn’t that obvious, but I’m a sensitive soul and I can tell.  The sad thing is that I’m a big believer that people find a way, we are all different and we all have different ways of doing things.  It would be a very dull world if we didn’t.  So I never go into these conversations saying “listen to me, I know everything. Look at how clever and right I am”.

Image courtesy of Blunt Card

Image courtesy of Blunt Card

I am meticulous in the way I tell my story, or offer suggestions. I never suggest (or think) that my way is the right way but I love the idea that by chatting to me, they may start to work out what might work for them.

The same goes when people moan about a situation with a friend or partner.  I listen, I listen some more but at some point I will regale a story that I remember that might help them know I empathise, or perhaps I offer some advice or PERHAPS I suggest that I don’t agree with the situation.  I’m not suggesting I’m right.  I’m only saying what I think and someone might take that information and add it to other information that other people have said or written and over time it will help form their view on the subject. Perhaps they won’t change their mind, or perhaps they will find themselves in a situation where all that information suddenly makes sense to them and they stand up, share their opinion and make a change to their life.

I mean it’s all we are trying to do in this world.  Make sense of everything, prop each other up, support and learn.  Some of my posts have been about me trying to get some advice.  Please don’t think people are being judgemental or smug because they have an opinion. I have no control over how you feel about my advice, but how about you assume it comes from a good place.  A place that cares.  Take the advice, push it aside or take it onboard but for goodness sake move on.

Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.
– Chinese proverb

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About freefallinginto40

I am 40 years old. I blog about how I'm coping with my "new" age at www.freefallinginto.com . I'm a married mother to two after years of infertility. I have a 6 year old called Pickle and a 3 year old called The Monster. I work 4 days a week. We are also planning a move to the country! I blog about that at www.ourmovetothecountry.wordpress.com
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4 Responses to Asking for advice

  1. I know it’s not lunchtime but I’m having a cup of tea so…

    …I wonder if it’s because traditionally woman are suppose to empathise and sympathise but not offer advice whilst men are the ones who try and solve problems. I am sure I read that somewhere so it must be true.

    I’m with you, I always try and offer advice not because I think my way is the right way but because it worked for me so it MIGHT work for someone else. But I think a lot of the time I am thought of as interfering or not listening properly.

    Meh, the older I get the less I care. I know I am lacking in some social skills and awareness, but if someone comes to me with a problem I try and think how it can be solved, if you want a there,there and a pat on the hand go and see someone else.

  2. Pingback: One step nearer my goal. | Diary of a Newbie StrongWoman

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