School mums

Huddled over, whispering, smiling, turning to wave as familiar faces pass, reminding each other of people they know….

“Wonder what she’s doing”, “Did you hear that they didn’t get the house”?  “Well, what was she thinking, it’s miles out of the catchment area”.

School mums.  A rare breed of creature, especially adapted for the harsh school ground environment, prone to working in packs, skilled at the eye roll, experienced in dressing for every occasion.

I am a school mum, kind of.  My frantic drop on Wednesday and Thursdays allows me to be one for about 15 minutes.  Fridays I can be more leisurely but I’m not yet that rare breed, because I barely know anybody there.  My husband is more the school mum than me as he always does Monday and Tuesdays and often the other two days if he’s about.  He’s used to being ignored, he’s been a partime stay at home dad for 5 years and often finds himself on the outside of these circles.

Although this is all changing slightly, for him and me.  We ARE getting to know some of the people in the playground.  Our constant attendance has caught their attention.  My daughter has made friends and those friends have badgered their mum to talk to me because I presume they want to go over each others houses.  I’ve taken some opportunities to engage in the odd sentence or two “ahhh that’s Ethan is it.  I hear a lot about Ethan”.  Of course I’m usually met with an awkward stony silence, but I don’t think it’s intentional.

I blogged about my lack of friends here and nothing has really changed.  What I have become more aware of is that I’m not really that bothered about being ignored.  I think it’s age or experience or both, but I don’t blame the other mums for ignoring me.  They are currently unaware of my awesomeness (!), my strong sense of loyalty and my kind(ish) nature.  If they knew, they’d all be pouncing on me and inviting me to coffee morning left right and centre.  I am a grownup and I know how these things work.  Cliques are natural creations (mostly) and it’s hard to get into them.  My cautiousness helps me out a bit here, it allows me to sit back, assess and make judgements, good and bad, on whether I think I want to commit.

So like a lioness, I shall circle these mums, assess and review and I will smile, I will engage and I will bide my time.  I have time.  Who knows, one of them might end up being my best friend.


About freefallinginto40

I am 40 years old. I blog about how I'm coping with my "new" age at . I'm a married mother to two after years of infertility. I have a 6 year old called Pickle and a 3 year old called The Monster. I work 4 days a week. We are also planning a move to the country! I blog about that at
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12 Responses to School mums

  1. Have just written a post that might be seen to share something with yours.
    You seem to handle it better than me though!

  2. The school playground is a very unusual place – well, just a carbon-copy of what we used to experience as kids I guess. There’s always the ‘cool mums’ that are definitely a clique of their own making, but as at school, I think there’s someone out there for everyone – as you say, you will find those special people by taking your time. Def take your own advice!

  3. When I was a new mum on the block I would smile and be friendly in passing, hold my head high and try not to look intimidated by the stares. Now I know a lot of those mums they are mostly a lovely bunch of ladies and some I would count as my closest friends. I think some mums can be a terribly insecure breed and actually feel intimidated by the new mum who seems indifferent to them. Play dates are a good way forward if you want to integrate. But you are right to be careful, once they know how amazing you are you’ll never have a moments peace.

  4. Great post. Like you, I’m not there for every drop-off/pick-up so start from a position of guilt (which I know I shouldn’t, but I do), but over time have made friends. And there are some real keepers. Keep on trucking’ x

  5. About a year and a half ago, I was in a similar situation of having no local friends. The friends I had made before having a baby were all scattered around the world and I had no-one to just hang out with. I really had to make a huge effort to get to know some new people but it took time for them to become friends. Now I have 3! Obviously we don’t have the history that I have with my older friends but these new friends probably know more about the person I am now than the person I was then. I am hoping to make more friends when Z starts school next year but I work so not sure how often I’ll be at the school gates… it’s a tricky one. But what I do miss is having a best friend. Not sure how easy they are to come by though 🙂

  6. CoffeeCurls says:

    Love this and I’m now off to read your post about ‘having no friends’ too. I moved to a completely new town not so long ago and I know no one!

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