Hairy Nipples!

Ok you’ve either clicked on this post because:

a) You’ve heard that some freaky women have nipple hair and you’re curious to read about it.

b) You can’t believe I’m blogging about nipple hair and you’ve come over to investigate or

c) You have nipple hair, so you’d like to have a peep at what I have to say because you daren’t mention it to anyone.

I’m going to pretend you are all a or b.  That way we can all save face, me included, because I don’t have nipple hair.  Nope.  Not at all. Never had it. None here. Move along please.

I’ve blogged about Hairiness before here and here.  They were a while ago in my blogging life, but this is an altogether more serious matter for women in The Hairy Chronicles Part 3. I’m not expecting any comments, but do feel free to share your “friends” experiences.

When the movie “There’s Something About Mary” was first released they showed it to test audiences. This is fairly common practice in Hollywood, especially if a director or writer has gone out on a bit of a limb and needs to gauge whether they have gone too far or not.  In the closing credits of the film the original edit showed a woman (it may have been Cameron Diaz) on a roof top garden, lying on a sun lounger, plucking her nipple hair.  I’m sure in the context of the film, it was very apt and possibly very funny, but the test audiences were aghast!! They didn’t like it, they found it repulsive and so in the end the director re-edited that bit and toned it down.

So American audiences were cool with the whole giz in the hair scenario, but show a woman plucking some nipple hair and that’s a step too far?

About 10 years ago a friend once told me the story of the first time she discovered a single dark nipple hair at the age of 25. How embarrassed she was and how awful it was.  She made it quite funny, we laughed about it.  Needless to say she removed it.  Several months later whilst in her drunken company in a car with my future husband and another male friend she started to tell the story again.  However, despite being drunk, she got to the crucial moment of the “discovery and realisation” and checked herself. She sensed this was probably not a “sharing” moment so changed the story into a “thought it was a nipple hair, but it turned out to be a dog hair” story.  Wasn’t particularly funny needless to say but it taught me something.  Nipple hair is a taboo subject and shouldn’t be spoken about.  It is gross and we should maintain that it doesn’t exist.

As I don’t have nipple hair, I can’t offer any advice 😉 but I did do a google search for you all and Cosmopolitan has the following:

Don’t freak out. Due to genetics, about 30 percent of women have nipple hair, says Mary Jane Minkin, an ob/gyn in New Haven, CT. Go ahead and tweeze them, but do it post-shower. “Hot water opens pores, which makes hair removal faster and less painful,” explains Minkin. Upshot: Nipple hair grows slowly, so you should be fuzz-free for at least three weeks.

Yay.  Good news for everyone.

So let’s not brag about it,  compare lengths or plait it.   Let’s not just blurt it out to random stranges, but do lets talk about it.  We can’t keep pretending it doesn’t exist.  And if you are genuinely fuzz free in that area.  Congratulations.  That’s one less job in the bathroom so make the most of the extra 10 minutes.

I’ll leave you with some words of wisdom from Dita Von-Teese, a fellow 40 year old:

“My beauty book is going to be totally different from what’s out there. I’m going to tell you that you have to pluck the nipple hairs off your nipples before a date—I’m here to tell you that”

Photo courtesy of fanpop .com

How very comforting.


About freefallinginto40

I am 40 years old. I blog about how I'm coping with my "new" age at . I'm a married mother to two after years of infertility. I have a 6 year old called Pickle and a 3 year old called The Monster. I work 4 days a week. We are also planning a move to the country! I blog about that at
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15 Responses to Hairy Nipples!

  1. pinkoddy says:

    Do i admit I’ve read this post when no-one else has commented lol.
    very funny – and informative to all those friends out there.

  2. My ‘jobs for the bathroom’ seem to be getting longer and more involved, the older I’m getting! And maybe, just maybe I’ve found the odd nipple hair and thankfully it is normal (but still pretty gross!) I love the way you wrote this, very funny indeed!

  3. Love it that noone is commenting….come on you lot, be honest and be proud!

  4. I don’t have any, but had to read to the end – it’s only polite!

  5. I can’t even be arsed with most of the bathroom jobs nowadays, I really must get a grip! Fab Mich x

  6. Loved this post! I first heard of “n**** h****” when I was about 14. My closest friend told me she had them (lots of them) and asked if I had them too. To make her feel better, I told her I had a few. I saw the title of this blog and thought of PCOS (Polycystic ovary syndrome), although “they” have to be normal with hormonal changes. Anyway, I can’t even mention “them” but I had a great laugh. Thank you!!!

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