Last week I blogged about my hairy chin, so you would have thought I couldn’t go any lower in my admissions on this blog, especially as I only had one comrade come forward to stand in my hairy chin group. However, one of the advantages to being anonymous is that I should be able to tackle to big issues facing a woman of a certain age, such as the hairy muff/punani/lady bits/Mary/down below area.
I will stand up right now and admit that I was never one of those women on the cutting edge (excuse the pun) of the latest hair removal fads or beauty treatments. I started shaving my legs at 13 when my friend and I discovered that that was what girls did at high school (every girl had been hairy legged at our provincial primary school). Much giggling ensued as we purchased our first razors from the local mini supermarket. Embarrassed at the counter that the owner (who had probably known us since we were little) would clock us and demand to know why we were in possession of such grown up implements, but of course they didn’t care. And of course back in the day, the only razors you could buy were men’s razors. The concept of women only razors were a mere sparkle in a marketing man’s eye. A few years of practising later and I was less inclined to cut my knees and foot/ankle to shreds but even at the grand old age of 40, I’m not immune to occasional bloody mistakes.
I can’t remember exactly when I started shaving my bikini area. I wasn’t particularly hairy and I’d hazard a guess it was probably around the age of 18. It probably took me about a minute to do. I was pretty lucky because my swimsuits didn’t reveal very much and despite spending most of the summer at the beach, I never really had any concerns about showing something I shouldn’t be. That’s pretty much been the story ever since. I dabbled in my late teens with what I now know is called a Hollywood but the days and weeks following this was enough to put me off going down that mowed path again. Generally because I’m a child of the 70’s and 80’s I was never under pressure to have a coiffed bush of little hair. It’s always been the triangle it started off as, not unruly, but trimmed and tidy and never seen peeking out from underwear.
I’m now of a certain age and it appears I’ve inadvertently swallowed some sort of hair growth tablet. The bikini area is moving out, merging with my leg hair that has never been a problem before either but now appears to be longer, darker and more aggressive in it’s growth. I’ve started needing to shave my inner thigh (an area that I could genuinely leave most of the year as it was pale and light). Of course, all this extra growth has coincided with me being busier than ever with 2 small children. Seems incredibly unfair that just when extra time is needed to tame the forest I neither have that time or the inclination to do it. It’s not as if I’m stripped down in basque and stockings every night on our bed, but I do have my own limitations and quite frankly it’s a full-time job keeping myself looking like I did when I was 30, hair wise.
Having said all of that, I’ve yet to see a really hairy 80-year-old, so am I to assume that I’ve got about 40 more years of this and then all the hair drops out? I have no idea. I have no older ladies to ask, but I do hope so. I may have more time when I’m 80 but I may be slightly incapacitated and I’d rather not leave any deforestation of my lady bits to a surly care home worker who would rather be watching daytime tv with her boyfriend than tending to me.
In the meantime I’m thinking it’s probably too late in the game to consider waxing (although as mentioned in other posts, I sobbed throughout threading, so waxing is probably off the cards) and I’ve no money or time to get electrolysis. I’ve got no choice but to find the time to keep it all in check, reminisce about the times I could shave in about 5 minutes flat and just get on with it. I’d be interested to know if it’s just me though or whether this hairy chronicle features heavily in other lady’s daily lives.