Not Enjoying The Age……move along please

With my first, I fought really hard to get her. Pickle was eventually conceived by IVF and then as soon as she was born, she screamed for, what felt like, solidly for 6 months or so. We found it really hard to deal with. We once came downstairs from our 6th trip up to soothe her (she was probably still crying) and sat on the sofa and cried and cried. Hubby told me that we mustn’t feel like this, we must enjoy it, we fought too hard to be miserable about it.

He was wrong of course. He knows that now. That added pressure did nothing for our feelings of failure. My daughter had colic (we did try to treat it with various things, but nothing worked) and I was in denial. It settled down eventually, of course, and then the joy began. I bonded with her, found her an absolute delight and started telling people “I’m really enjoying this age”. With each new year, I embraced the new age and the experience of getting to know this amazing little person.

3 years later and my son arrived (The baby destroyer -TBD) Natural pregnancy (albeit a few scares during it about size and amniotic fluid) and another c-section. He didn’t cry like my first. He slept……a lot! He was lovely and snuggly and because I already had my daughter Pickle I had bonded with him whilst still pregnant. He was an absolute joy to be with and as such (although it’s awful to say) he was much easier to love in those early days.

He’s 17 months now. So very different to Pickle, as boys are, and a real handful. He’s really frustrated in life too. He’s only just started walking (not very well) and he can’t talk. His pointing hasn’t proved to be very helpful to him either and so every couple 10 minutes or so he does the mother of all hissy fits. Sometimes you make him angry without really knowing why. I once brought him downstairs (he was cheerful) and he saw everyone was up and burst into tears and cried solidly for an hour. I can only assume he wasn’t expecting everyone to be there. I really don’t know. He also doesn’t eat very well. Refuses to be spoon fed so feeds himself and only wants to eat “beige” (pasta, bread, toast, biscuits, breadsticks, bread, pasta… get the picture). He gets VERY angry if you give him something he doesn’t want. I tend to put some pasta tubes in everything in order to coax him to try stuff.

I’m exhausted with him to be honest. I can’t seem to make him happy and I can absolutely confirm I Am Not Enjoying This Age at all. I can’t wait for him to get more able, to talk and to be a better walker. I just know he’s going to be a lovely little boy but the waiting is killing me.



About freefallinginto40

I am 40 years old. I blog about how I'm coping with my "new" age at . I'm a married mother to two after years of infertility. I have a 6 year old called Pickle and a 3 year old called The Monster. I work 4 days a week. We are also planning a move to the country! I blog about that at
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4 Responses to Not Enjoying The Age……move along please

  1. Mary says:

    Oh, I feel for you! I had my days of tears over the babies too. Children certainly go through their ages where they are testing you. I can just say (as a Mom of a 19,16,14 year olds) that the stages do pass and they move onto something else!

  2. Pingback: Losing it! | Free Falling into 40

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