…..that’d be: Concerned or Crapping myself.
Actually I did mean the real C word. Every 6 months or so my body does something unusual (usually grows something) and I spend a few weeks crapping myself that it’s something much more sinister than it actually is. My mum died before she was 60 from Cancer, so I see this as a looming age.
Just after I had my 2nd child I became concerned as I had sprouted loads of moles all over my breasts and tummy. I mean, over 20 new ones. I ended up going to the mole Clinic in London. I’d heard about it from an article from Denise Van Outen and as I was born and raised in Australia, I didn’t really trust my GP to recognise a cancerous mole if it jumped out and shouted “I’m a cancerous mole”. It all turned out fine though, they were some sort of benign growth that is common as we age (argghhhhh) and apart from getting one real mole reviewed I could relax.
The latest scare was a lump. Quite a big one. It was in my groin area. I’m not that familiar with the whole lymph node situation, but I do know we have lymph nodes in the groin and although this didn’t seem to be in what I thought I was a logical place for lymph nodes, I freaked out none the less. Actually, that’s not entirely true. I was on my own with the kids when I first found it, and I freaked out a little, but whilst making a mental note it could be something sinister and I should keep an eye on it, I did come up with many more possible scenarios on what it could be such as an infection under the skin caused by a shaving cut or ingrown hair (mmmm, this post is starting to lean into icky territory).
Well, it got bigger, I got more freaked out and I booked an appointment for Tuesday at my GP, the day after the bank holiday. I felt better having it booked, I calmed down, I accepted it was probably nothing.
And, I think it is just that…….nothing. In fact it has reduced in size by half today. I think I may cancel my appointment. What the whole experience has taught me is that things seems to go wrong more frequently for me these days. Illnesses take longer to go, bruises hang about and things sprout, enlarge and often disappear eventually, but they seem to occur regularly. I need to chill out, accept that this is the way things are and stop worrying so much.
If cancer is going to catch me, it will, regardless of how much I worry about it. The trick is to be vigilant, keep checking, but get on with your life and treat every day as a gift. So that’s what I intend to do.