The arguments (and the not talking) – where to go from here.

Things haven’t been great for a little while but I think we are quite disappointed in ourselves that this is the case.  I think we were a little naive to think that having 2 kids wasn’t going to have a massive impact on us, but it has surprised us just how much.

I’m argumentative anyway. I’m no martyr and if something upsets me or annoys me, I just come out and say it.  The upside is that my husband doesn’t have to do any guesswork about how I’m feeling and I don’t get any seething rage, bubbling away for days on end.  The downside is that when we come up against issues like a teething 15 month old and a 4-year-old that cries at the drop of a hat in amongst the usual challenges of home, I have to say something – a little dig, a moan or a sarcastic comment, but I’m doing it every 20 minutes.  It’s not all me, though. He’s doing exactly the same.  Put on top of that two people who are always (and have always been) hyper sensitive and you’ve got a real recipe for disaster.

So we argued a lot on Friday. Poor old 4-year-old is so used to it now, she took herself off to the lounge room with the iPad to get out of the way.  I’m not proud of arguing in front of her and we usually nip most arguments in the bud before they escalate to a level we think is inappropriate to do around her.  I do think it’s important she witnesses arguments (hubby’s parents rarely argued and he used to freak out a bit when we did, bit like Chandler from Friends), just wish they were a bit more infrequent.  On Saturday he was out for the day and that helped a lot.  Sunday we had visitors and were much more tolerant of each other.

I believe it’s just the age the kids are that is making life difficult for us.  Both are demanding our attention, we get no time to ourselves and lots of tasks, errands and jobs are not done as a result.  With each new phase with the children, we have to learn a load of stuff all over again and that puts a strain on our relationship.  That’s what I’m hoping for anyway.  We are pretty open with each other and I just see this as one of those bumpy roads for now.  I’m not sure he sees it the same (re: my comment about Chandler) and I imagine he has safely pocketed “Relates” number and will be discussing it at some point soon. 🙂

Where do we go from here.  I’m not entirely sure.  I think just for the time being I need to put one foot in front of the other and relish those moments we do get a chance to giggle or chat or complete a house task.  I know I need to be a little more of a martyr.  I need to stop criticising everything (it may be true, but it doesn’t do us any good) and I think I may secretly note down all the things he does in this house so I can refer to it when I’m in a bit of a “Why do I have do everything!!!” ranty kind of mood.  Maintaining a relationship with the demands of small children may be a walk in the park for some, but clearly it is something we need to work on.

 

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About freefallinginto40

I am 40 years old. I blog about how I'm coping with my "new" age at www.freefallinginto.com . I'm a married mother to two after years of infertility. I have a 6 year old called Pickle and a 3 year old called The Monster. I work 4 days a week. We are also planning a move to the country! I blog about that at www.ourmovetothecountry.wordpress.com
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2 Responses to The arguments (and the not talking) – where to go from here.

  1. Natalie Bea says:

    I’m totally with you on this. We have three children. Four and half, three and 11 months and it can be chaos. Plus my other half needs to be told to do everything otherwise he’d happily sit there watching me single handedly do IT ALL. It does get super irritating and I have turned into super nag, but I try to focus on the positives as much as I can.

    It helps to a certain degree that he is super laid back so he doesn’t often bite back, but I do wish he was a bit more intuitive to what needs doing when it comes to the children. But I suppose that’s men for you. Well that’s what I keep telling myself. HhHAHAHA

    • Makes me completely understand why so many marriages fail after having children. Thankfully I can see why we have short fuses and presumably as the kids get older things will get better. Well I can live in hope. 🙂

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